


('Til Then I'll Do) Just Fine On My Own

by verucasalt123



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Comment Fic, Loneliness, M/M, No Smut, Pining, Sibling Incest, Smoking, Stanford Era, Underage implied
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-17
Updated: 2013-12-17
Packaged: 2018-01-04 22:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1086574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verucasalt123/pseuds/verucasalt123
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam doesn't do so well without his brother for the first couple of months at Stanford.</p>
            </blockquote>





	('Til Then I'll Do) Just Fine On My Own

**Author's Note:**

  * For [checkthemargins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/checkthemargins/gifts).



> This could be read as gen, in my mind it's slash but there are only questionable references, no direct statement regarding the nature of their relationship.
> 
> Title stolen from The Wreckers' song Cigarettes. If you haven't heard it, go listen to it, it's fantastic.

A week was okay.

Just that one first week, walking around in the grass, wandering aimlessly, enjoying the concept of this thing people referred to as _free time_.

Another week and Sam had scrounged up enough cash to buy an entire carton of cigarettes from the gas station four blocks from his dorm. 

He was still wandering, still aimless, still in the grass, but sitting now. 

Sitting and smoking and remembering how his brother smelled like cigarettes sometimes and like smoke almost all the time.

Six weeks. He was learning to be nice to his roommate, this thing about _small talk_ and _pleasantries_ that was expected of him now. Sam avoided it like a fucking witch's curse by throwing himself into his school work. 

He didn't want to be distracted. Couldn't afford to be distracted. 

But Dean.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, Dean. Dean wiggled his way into the front of Sam's mind at least once an hour. 

What would Dean think about this teacher? Dean would have a joke to make about that discussion question from his lit class that mentioned incestuous relationships in Hotel New Hampshire. Where would Dean be while Sam was in class if he'd left their dad and come with him?

Dean would have told him to quit his damn moping. 

He'd gotten what he wanted. 

Out of their life, out of chasing monsters, off to kids who were normal, like he was.

Like he wanted to be.

Like he knew he never would, no matter how hard he tried.

Some days his hands shook as he tried to write out stupid math problems. 

Fucking math.

Dean would have said, "Math is just following instructions, Sammy. If you can read a recipe, you can make math your bitch."

It was almost Thanksgiving and even though everyone else had someplace to go, Sam was alone in his dorm. 

He was thankful for it. Didn't want people around making comments to him about how they were sorry he had no place to be, or even worse, whispering behind his back about _why_ he had no place to be.

So then there was no one around when he finally did it.

After months of his finger hesitatingly hovering over that button on his cell, he just sucked it up and did it. Figured he'd leave a voice mail. 

But Dean picked up on the second ring. 

"Sammy! God damn, how's it going out there? You all right?"

And then Sam did that thing he sucked at more spectacularly than anything else in his life.

He told his brother a lie.

"Yeah, Dean. Great, I'm doing great."


End file.
